If you’re willing to be objective and watch all your thoughts, you’ll see that the vast majority of them have no relevance. They have no effect on anything or anybody, except you. They are simply making you feel better or worse about what is going on now, what has gone on in the past, or what might go on in the future.
– Michael A. Singer, The Untethered Soul: A Journey Beyond Yourself
The ways that we label what is happening can really mess us up.
A simple walk around the block can be narrated as “we are so lucky have sunshine so much of the year, walking helps me wake up, I wonder if anyone else is out walking this morning, my morning walk keeps me on track for the rest of my day, my body feels great when I move it…”
And it can also be narrated as “it’s too hot, my legs are tired, I’m sure the neighbors are looking at me, why did I decide to do this, I am so stupid, always doing things that waste time and remind me how incapable I am…”
You can imagine what feelings go along with each set of thoughts. You can imagine how each set of thoughts creates a different reality for the thinker.
When we are fused to the thoughts we are thinking, we are creating a reality all on our own. The exact same walk around a block was experienced in very different ways because each person was fused to their set of thoughts.
What if you could DEfuse from the thoughts you are using to create your experience?
What if you could just be present in any given moment, letting thoughts come and go, but not dictate what you believe or how you should feel?
It is possible!
Here’s how:
The first step to letting go of thoughts’ power over you is acknowledging that each thought is only that: a thought.
“I’m so stupid” is a thought. Other people could see it differently, so there are indicators that something else may be true. Veracity of each thought is irrelevant- the point is, each thought is only a thought. One could also think “I’m alive,” and “I’m brilliant,” and “I’m made of broccoli,”- all thoughts. Step one is simply noticing. It helps to say to yourself “I’m noticing that I’m having the thought that ‘I’m alive.’”
After noticing our thoughts more ardently, we may begin to see patterns. We may begin to acknowledge “there’s that ‘I’m stupid’ thought again!” We begin to develop a different relationship with thoughts. They don’t have to provoke emotional reactions or dysfunctional decisions.
The goal here is not to change your thinking or your beliefs. By acknowledging thoughts as merely thoughts you are changing your relationship to them. Here is some animated help, if you’d like some guidance while you try defusing from your thoughts.
Other ways of practicing defusion are:
The Beach Ball
We can try to stop our thoughts, like trying to hold a beach ball under water, but it keeps popping up in front of our face (intrusive distressing thoughts). We can allow the ball (our thoughts) to float around us, not intruding, just letting it be.
Passengers on the Bus
You can be in the driving seat, whilst all passengers (thoughts) are noisily chattering, being critical or shouting out directions. You can allow them to shout, but you can keep your attention focused on the road ahead.
Thanks to getselfhelp.co.uk for outlining defusion techniques!