What comes to mind when you hear the word “discipline”?
Maybe a torturous, sweaty bootcamp. Maybe doing the same scales again and again on the piano, instead of playing video games. Maybe you imagine countless hours of grueling ballet class, and then rehearsal and then another rehearsal and then another rehearsal. Maybe you picture someone practicing martial arts with precision and focus.
Repetition. Practice. Dedication.
For those who have participated in any sort of sport or art that requires consistency and regular rehearsal, there can be an element of shutting off your connection with your body. If you listen to what you body is telling you, it may say “please stop!” Any of the above examples require pushing past bodily discomfort. If I were to stop because I listened when my body cried out in hurt- doesn’t that fly in the face of “discipline”?
Listening to our bodies and honoring what we discover may mean we make different choices than the dictated programming says we need to make. Building discipline suggests that we do what the training requires despite what our bodies say feels good. Pushing ourselves out of the comfort zone is how we make improvements. The anti-diet industry has taken this to the extreme however, urging people to lay on the couch longer if it feels good. Only workout if you feel like it. Don’t push yourself if it feels hard.
Anti-diet extremists urge that becoming a sloth is important anytime you feel like doing nothing would feel good. To combat the “no pain no gain” mentality of the 1980’s, the opposite swing of the pendulum has told people who want to banish destructive diet-culture mentality that “I should only do what I feel like doing.”
Is doing only what we feel like doing the ultimate goal?
Are we really trying to banish discipline as a personal value?
The answer is: WHY is what matters.
Personal Trainer Jen Benton is body positive, loves life and all ways of moving, and she makes sure all of her clients are clear on why they exercising. WHY are her clients getting up early or pushing past their comfort zone? Why are Jen’s clients trying a new movement that doesn’t look enjoyable at first? Coaching her clients to choose reasons like living long enough to play with grandkids, or having the comfort and agility to do things around the house or in the yard that bring them joy- these are reasons worth developing discipline: in their workouts and in the rest of their lives.
When we have found a dislike for our looks that is extreme enough to disrupt our lives, we may have decided that “discipline” means something far more destructive than productive. This may be what fuels the “don’t do anything that doesn’t feel good” messaging from the anti-diet industry.
This is getting confusing…Have you gotten confused?
If you have lost track of whether you are thinking and behaving destructively or whether you are building strength and discipline, ask yourself the following:
•WHY am I doing something that is physically and mentally challenging? Because I hate myself? Because I am afraid no one will want to be with me if I don’t?
These are harmful reasons. Anytime hate or fear is a motivator, the outcome is unlikely to be positive. Even if you can’t get rid of reasons like this immediately, might there be OTHER reasons you are doing the challenging thing? It’s okay if you add meaningful reasons why you do something, even if hate and fear are the first reasons you notice. You may not need to throw the activity out just yet.
“I started running because I really hated myself. It used to hurt when I ran, but I also always felt better when I was done- lighter... like my life was okay. Now that I’ve gotten stronger, running doesn’t hurt and it actually feels good physically most times. Feels like my blood is pumping through my body. My heart feels strong! But I am afraid to stop running because I don’t want to gain weight. So I guess I’m still working that out…”
~17-year-old who is learning to take care of herself
Even if you started with hatred and fear as motivators, it may be possible to transform your relationship with an activity into something that is physically, mentally, AND emotionally positive. What do you hope to gain from dedicating yourself to this activity? A better relationship with yourself? A better relationship with someone else? (An actual relationship-not how you assume your looks affect a relationship.)
Finding your WHY will allow you to develop the discipline to do things that are hard. Especially when you do hard things for the right reasons. Because living by our values is the best motivation there is.
