Do we have to talk about my mom?

Why your shrink keeps asking you about your childhood.

Richard Rohr is a pretty cool priest because he explains things in ways that are less likely to turn people off to how emotions and spirituality and relationships all work together. I have seen so many people who have been abused by religious institutions. Usually, these people have, out of protection, closed themselves off to new understandings when something starts to smell like the ‘C’ word (not the four-letter one). Richard Rohr has tons of great books explaining how spirituality matters to you (and to everyone) and may be a good starting point for someone who thinks they aren’t a spiritual being like everyone else is.

Rohr explains emotions and their purpose so thoroughly that I wish I could impress this understanding on everyone who is struggling to accept themselves:

Emotions in and of themselves have no moral value; they are neither good nor bad. They are just sirens alerting us of something we should pay attention to. If we learn to listen to them instead of always obeying them, they can be very good teachers. We need to be aware that our emotions can mislead us because we often misread the situation.

If I had known, earlier in life, how OKAY it was that I had every feeling that I had… Not only that being mad wasn’t something only bad people do, for example. But also that emotions aren’t rules to follow or guidelines to direct my choices and behaviors. It is okay to feel every feeling. And also to not let feeling a certain way dictate The Way Things Are. They are just feelings. Important, but not to the exclusion of all other information.

Richard goes on to explain

Emotions are far too self-referential and based in our early practiced neural responses, or what some call our defense mechanisms. Our basic "programs for survival," which are the source of most emotions, are largely in place by the age of four or five. The three most common programs involve the needs for 1) survival and security, 2) affection and esteem, and 3) power and control.

Some people get really waded-up panties when it comes to talking about their childhood. “Why does that matter?! I want to talk about what is happening right now!”