Accepting the things I can not change
Changing the things that I can
Knowing the difference
The steps for letting go provide clarity through chaos.
There is a sense of powerlessness associated with any struggle, isn’t there? If we felt empowered, it wouldn’t be so difficult. These three steps have assisted me and countless others in times of confusion, uncertainty, and pain. (Write them down or put them in your phone- use these steps next time you get in a fight, are disappointed with an outcome, or pissed of at someone!)
I’ve heard it said that, when you have a problem with something your only two choices are to either:
accept it
or
change it.
Knowing which one to pursue is obviously a key first step to either accepting or changing.
Of these two, the stubborn insistence to change this body to be the way I want it has been wrought with pain, failure, frustration and disappointment for so many women I’ve met. We are told repeatedly that “if you aren’t ___, you better change yourself so that you are, if you want to be likable/promoted/included/chosen/okay.
The idea that “I could accept myself right now, as I am” often comes after tons of time and energy focused on changing first.
Many of us who have (finally) decided to work on body acceptance have spent years (decades) trying to change our bodies. Ironically, many who begin work on body acceptance find that their bodies change in ways they like along the way. I’ve discussed in Body Acceptance Project posts before how body acceptance is an important component in making positive changes in nourishment, movement, and other choices that affect how our bodies and our brains work most optimally.
Maybe you are at the point where you aren’t sure if you are ready to consider letting go of whatever body size/shape you don’t have but think you should. You’ve probably heard about body acceptance- it’s been in style since the end of the 20teens. If you are considering whether or not it is for you, consider your answers to the following questions:
When you look at your body, in the mirror, in pictures, or just looking down, what thoughts happen inside your mind?
Are the things you say to yourself, when you see or think about your body, things you would say to someone else? Why or why not?
Do you know anyone who is okay with their body size/shape? Is there anything about what you see them experiencing that feels compelling?
Are there parts about loving one’s body that you fear might be negative or harmful?
If you don’t know anyone who is okay with their body size/shape, why do you imagine that is?
Do you trust yourself?
If your brain wants to be speedy, it probably feels like answering these in your head is all you have time for and will be “good enough.” As someone who has seen massive improvements happen for people who take the time to pull out a notebook and journal, my encouragement is that you take at least 10 minutes to let yourself explore your answers. Maybe you have a friend or partner who you trust to talk with about these questions. External processors may benefit from talking it out to your cat or to the Universe or to your plant!
We want to point the finger at other things in our lives, like if I get rid of this boyfriend or this coworker or this particular environment that I find myself in, then everything will be perfect. But something else is just going to pop up and create some new trauma for you to try to figure out.
But if you come into the things that you’re saying to yourself and really start to notice: What am I feeding myself? Who am I to myself? This works through consistent self-care. ~Jessamyn Stanley
Here’s to your body acceptance. And the freedom to enjoy life unencumbered.