This post was the most opened in January of 2022.
It was originally available only to “paid” members, so I’m posting it in full here, in case 58 cents/week isn’t in your budget…
News Flash:
Not everyone feels ordained, when seeing themselves in the mirror, to DO SOMETHING. A person’s reflection is not automatically a call-to-action.
Think about the people you know personally: Who do you know who looks in the mirror and does not feel a sense of responsibility for what they see? Children are usually neutral-to-positive about their appearance, though many of us who struggle with our bodies were quite young when we decided to stop accepting ourselves just the way we are.
As we age, and time has its way with our looks, we must let go more and more of a sense of culpability about our physical presentation. And yet, some of us have it so engrained that “I am to blame for _(my hair color/size/complexion/girth/skin shade)_” that even as we age, we tell ourselves that we should do something about what we see in the mirror. To make it “better” somehow.
But do you realize: it is possible to feel neutral when looking in the mirror? It is possible to have no change in emotional state when you look down at yourself? This may not have occurred to you: that for some, a sense of content is not ruffled when they see themselves. Instead of an, “Ugh- I’ve got to lose some weight,” there is a “this is my body.” For some, rather than a “I need a tan, I look sick,” there is a “my skin color is fair.” It is quite possible, I assure you, to rather than an immediate scolding of “my ___ is too big and my ___ is too small,” you can (other people do, so why not you?) look in the mirror and think, “that’s me. that is my body,” with little to no change in how you feel.
And all of this is possible with the body you are in right this very moment.
I only say so because people already exist like this. I implore you to seek them out, if you don’t know of any yet.
People who feel like they should be CONTROLLING their body’s size and shape often also feel responsible for controlling other things (that aren’t really their responsibility to manage).
-Other people’s feelings.
-Others’ reactions.
-How conversations go.
-What other people think.
Have you ever felt responsible for any of these? The sense that one has to control her body/appearance goes along rather well with also trying to control outcomes, others’ opinions, and lots of other things in life that she really doesn’t have control over.
Determining what we need to accept that we can not change and then letting go of it is at the heart of recovery for many of us.
Identify 2 items in each of the following categories:
Things I can not change:
Things I can change:
Start with small things. I can not change that it is raining when I’d planned to go for a walk. I can change when and where I take my walk, or I can decide on a different activity.
The wisdom to know the difference in these two- what we can change and what we need to accept- can take time to learn. By beginning to put things into appropriate categories- even small things, you can more easily work towards acceptance, and therefore have energy freed up to actually change the things that you can.
