Is it weird that, as a Family Therapist, I disallow people at the Thanksgiving table to say that what they are thankful for is “family!”
What a fucking cop out.
It’s as basic as “How are you?”
“Fine.”
Think about the question! Come up with something unique to you! Give people more insight into what you are thinking and feeling!
I should be ready for people not to have much awareness of all there is to be thankful for… When I am working with a therapy client and I ask what they are grateful for, I am usually given a blank stare or a wandering look around the room. As if they hadn’t gotten to their appointment safely. As if they weren’t sitting on a comfortable couch, in a temperature-controlled room. As if they weren’t getting help with their problems in that very moment. There are always so many things to appreciate, but it is easy to lose the skill of noticing and looking for opportunities for THANKSGIVING, when we don’t use it regularly.
And why bother practicing thankfulness?
Like anything, the more we work it, the stronger it gets. We can build the natural tendency to look for what is great and feel good about it, by intentionally practicing. The more often you notice things that are going your way, the more often you can enjoy the positives in your life and feel good. Is there room in your life for more feeling good? Strengthening your ability to see and focus on what there is to appreciate is an important skill to build!
One way I help clients refine this skill, is by breaking it down into categories.
What are you thankful for about where you live?
-Is it comfortable? Does the decor say something you appreciate? Do you enjoy the size/shape/space there? What does your home do for you? Is that worth feeling grateful for?
Categories for gratitude are endless, so when you are struggling to name something you appreciate, pick a category and notice what you can appreciate about everything in that category:
-your outfit
-your pet(s)
-your relationship with your coworkers/neighbors/pickleball crew/classmates
-your sense of humor
-your neighborhood
-your city
-your state
-your mode of transportation
-the room you are in at this moment
-each day of the week
-the season we are in
-the last place you visited
-the town where you grew up
-your body (Yep- you can even find things in this category to feel gratitude for! Get creative.)
I’ll even let you keep the tired, old “I’m grateful for family.”
What are you grateful for about your family? Do you appreciate that Dad always has a dad joke to lighten the mood? Do you value your siblings for understanding you in ways that no one else ever will? Are you grateful for your Mom’s hugs? Are you thankful that your family can ____ or doesn’t ____ or is ____ ?
I know for sure that appreciating whatever shows up for you in life changes your personal vibration. You radiate and generate more goodness for yourself when you're aware of all you have and not focusing on your have-nots. ~Oprah Winfrey