What does it take to be happy with yourself?

What does it take to be happy with yourself?

A job well-done? A new friend made? Helping someone in need?

One thing that makes being happy with yourself impossible (hit “Reply” and tell me if you believe otherwise) is saying things to yourself that are shaming, critical, or in any way make you feel bad about yourself.

I’ve been told more times than I want to count, when I pointed out self-shaming, that “I’m just saying things that are true.” So I will give some examples of critical self-talk.

• They don’t want you to call/text/come along.

• You aren’t doing as good as everyone else is.

• You are stupid/ugly/dumb/unlovable.

• You don’t fit in.

• You should’ve figured this out- you suck.

• You are just going to screw up- why bother trying?

• You will only fail again.

These are, objectively, counterproductive thoughts if you want to feel good about yourself. There is nothing helpful about any of these or thoughts like them.

“But- If I make myself feel bad, that will motivate me to do better.”

I’ve heard this argument just as many times and besides it going against the most basic principles of conditioning, proving that isn’t how training works,