I went to a presentation years ago- I wish I remember who it was by- and the presenter talked about having two stomachs: one stomach for the nourishment we need, like essential amino acids and Vitamin C and fiber… this is the stomach we all know and love. But a second “stomach” she said that we eat to fill when we feel hungry in other ways- for attention, for companionship, for relief from overwhelm. Just as there are lots and lots of nutrients our bodies need to function, that we must ingest with meals and snacks, there are lots and lots of nutrients (hugs, being understood, rest, laughter…) we need to function emotionally. Many of us don’t learn how to get these emotional nutrients when we were growing up so we turn to food, because it naturally releases feel-good chemicals in our bodies. Because the motion of chewing is soothing. Because something tasty in our mouths can be a distraction from pain of any other kind.
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There isn’t anything innately wrong with eating to fill the “2nd stomach.” Birthday cake at parties and BBQ at 4th of July gatherings is part of how we collectively enjoy food for emotional reasons. The problem comes when there are no other ways that we know of to feed our emotional hunger.
Ice cream after a breakup makes sense- it is comforting and yummy. And it also makes sense to call a friend who will listen, reconnect with nature or church to remember there are bigger and more powerful things in the universe, to get extra sleep, and to go for a run or hit the gym to physically express frustration, sadness, anger, or grief.
“Good” and “bad” aren’t appropriate words for food, because each food has different nutrients and different reasons to be eaten. Sometimes we may notice deeming a food “bad” because we realize we’ve been using it to feed the 2nd stomach. Again- nothing wrong with feeding that stomach (we have to take care of our emotions! That’s why they exist- to help us know what we need!). But maybe we can feel less guilt about eating outside of physical nourishment when we also acknowledge and take care of the emotional need asking to be fed.
If it doesn’t feel right to end a meal without dessert, notice what else you might crave.
Is it that you’d like a little longer to sit and relax at the table before doing whatever else needs to get done?
Is it the Sunday Scaries that you don’t want to think about or feel, so a yummy treat is easier to focus on?
Have you been stressed all day and sitting down with dinner is the most at ease you’ve been able to feel, so you just don’t want that to end?
When we get better and better at noticing our emotional needs, we can truly enjoy our food more because it is guilt-free and not just a means to numb.
This whole process of differentiating between what needs are being eaten to nourish: physical or emotional, is a big part of intuitive eating. As we take better care of ourselves, we can’t help but like our bodies more because we are putting love and care in to them. And incidentally, we end up feeling better about what and how much we eat, because we are intentional about our choices with food, so it doesn’t feel out of control.