How Cognitive Distortions are Keeping You from Sanity
We all think in ways that distort reality- but we have a choice in it.
I’ve brought up concepts of CBT before in BAP posts, mostly because having direct access to re-program our thoughts is invaluable, when we are mindful enough to notice what we are thinking.
Now, when it comes to lasting healing, I am almost always going to be an advocate for deeper work that involves looking at your family of origin, the ways you relate to your primary caregivers, and therefore, those around you now. I advocate for deeper therapeutic work because just making changes in how we think and behave are pretty surface level. Insight isn’t a requirement for change, but it sure can make a huge difference in your commitment to change.
All of that said, it can almost feel magical to recognize the impact of our thoughts on how we feel. It doesn’t mean that thoughts always come first- sometimes a feeling that is already there provokes a thought to make sense of the feeling you feel. But, when we pay attention to our thoughts we can chose whether or not the ways we are thinking are really serving us.
Cognitive Distortions are ways that, all of us from time to time, skew our thinking. Because these ways of thinking are actually distortions, when we realize we are doing it, we can feel less attached to the CERTAINTY of the thought.
As we go through some of the most often used Cognitive Distortions, you’ll see what I mean.
all or nothing thinking
“I ate horribly yesterday.”
“I never look good when I go out.”
With all or nothing thinking, there is no gray area. No middle ground. Did you literally eat horribly (whatever that means) ALL DAY yesterday? Were there no positive aspects to how you ate?
Is it possible that there is not even once that you looked okay going out? Is this true by every alive person’s standards?
The problem with all or nothing thinking is that it is so limiting. If we claim that something is COMPLETELY bad, we miss out on recognizing the good that is often also there. Being open to gray areas allows the opportunity to find parts that DO work and build on them.
When we drop the all or nothing thinking, there is room for something like this:
“Yesterday, I ate some things that made my stomach hurt. But I had a breakfast that I felt really good about and would like to have again. And even though I ate a little too much of some of the things I ate yesterday, I’d like to enjoy them again sometime…maybe by listening to my body and slowing down when I eat them.”
And this:
“I am often disappointed with how I look when I get ready to go out. But I do notice that I feel better when I where certain clothes. And I have gotten compliments when I wear my hair a certain way. Maybe I can play with different options and find looks that feel more comfortable.”
See how dropping the all or nothing thinking opens up more possibilities? No one is insisting that the opposite is true of the all or nothing thought. The reality is, all or nothing thinking is pretty extreme, so usually can’t be true itself. Some form of middle ground is much more likely close to reality.
overgeneralization
There is a very old phrase “don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater,” that encapsulates the cognitive distortion: overgeneralization. It refers to deeming an entire entity (a whole bathtub containing a small human being) worthless because part of it (the dirty bathwater) is bad.
We must be able to separate out the sweet, squishy baby from the dirty water. So we don’t lose what is valuable because we are so worried about what is worthless.
Prejudices against types of people are an unfortunate example of overgeneralizations. Just because some engineers have poor social skills doesn’t mean all engineers have poor social skills.
Using overgeneralization to cognitively distort how we view ourselves could be pulling on a pair of pants in the morning, feeling they are too snug to comfortably zip, and deciding it is going to be a bad day.
When have you used all or nothing thinking or overgeneralizing? Even if you aren’t used to using all or nothing thinking or overgeneralizing, you probably have seen someone else doing it. We all fall into cognitive distortions some of the time, especially when we are stressed or tired. It takes more effort to notice a gray area or to parse out worthwhile aspects from something we don’t like. So when we learn what the different cognitive distortions are and we can name them and understand them, we can more easily recognize when they are happening in our own minds. And then we have the choice to consider other ways of thinking (which are probably both more accurate and feel better!).
