So what did you do this summer?
I learned to tolerate distress, regulate my emotions, and how to be effective with people.
It’s almost time for those cool Autumn days; finally it will only get up into the 90’s here in Austin!
As we look ahead to not needing a sweater in the office, since the AC won’t be cranked quite so high, let’s also look back at the skills we tried out all summer. Wherever you are, DBT skills like the ones covered here at BAP (there are a ton more to be learned, either in a DBT Skills group or workbook!), are yours for the taking: to ease your difficulties in relationships and emotions.
Learning to be present and fully engaged in what is happening moment-to-moment is something that people have told me again and again has been a game changer. Real, genuine belly laughter is more possible when you are 100% engaged in the hilarious thing that you might not have even noticed -were you wrapped up in what you are doing tonight, or next week, or how yesterday went, or what sucked about last year. Mindfulness skills, like doing one thing at a time, make every other skill even possible! We have to be aware of what is going on inside of us in order to make a conscious decision about next steps, rather than simply reacting.
“There’s never a good time for Mindfulness, and there’s never a bad time. Mindfulness is one of those things you simply do, because if you practice being aware - completely open to the universe, just exactly as it is - you will transform your life in time.”
~ Marsha M. Linehan
By developing the ability to have our head in the game so much that we can then decide to use a skill to manage distress, we are able to tolerate pain more than ever before, using distraction skills. (These are actual skills- choosing “distraction” as a tool to manage distress doesn’t mean scrolling TikTok or bingeing Netflix- there is a tad more to it, so check out the post on TIPP skills if you don’t know yet.)
We all have to put up with doing things we don’t want to do, being around people we don’t want to be around, and facing situations that feel hard or icky or painful. Coping thoughts allow us to tolerate things that we dread doing. This skill shows us how to use our thinking in helpful ways, rather than making the hard thing harder.
DBT likes acronyms, because they immediately recruit our left brain when our emotional right brain has flooded us with big feelings. IMPROVE the moment skills are seven specific things to try when you are in the middle of something intolerable.
We learned how using the Opposite Action to our emotion can save us from our bossy big feelings, pushing us to do things we regret. And, we learned how to Cope Ahead for things in the near future we fear will go horribly wrong.
We explored which stomach we are feeding, because sometimes we eat for needs other than nutritional ones. That’s okay to do, but it is super helpful to recognize what we are trying to accomplish when we eat. Especially when we feel regretful about what we do with food - there may be other ways to nurture ourselves than just with food. The more aware we are about what is driving what we do, the more power we have to make the choices we feel proud of!
It is probably more common than you realize to feel awkward or uncomfortable around others, especially those you don’t know well. GIVE skills show us how to step up our abilities with people. Once you are in relationship with someone, boundaries help you keep things going in healthy, fulfilling ways.
If you are new to the Body Acceptance Project (welcome!), check out the posts linked above and try out a skill or two in the coming week. If you’ve read BAP posts all summer, which of the skills could use a tiny bit more attention?
Don’t think you deserve to spend on yourself? Give BAP to a friend:
Insider tip: 2 or more subscriptions is 90% off, so you can both subscribe for less than $10 total here.